PREPARING FOR BABY · MAKE THE INVISIBLE WORK VISIBLE

Before baby arrives: a conversation worksheet for shared responsibilities

“We will help each other” is a good intention, but it leaves a lot unspecified. Use a short conversation to decide who notices a task, who handles it, and what happens when the plan stops working.

Agree on ownership, not just assistance

For each recurring job, name an owner, a backup, and a trigger for asking for help. The owner does not have to do every step alone; they do need to know what the whole job involves.

Start with one ordinary day

Walk from waking up to bedtime without trying to predict a baby's exact schedule. Include food for adults, laundry, transport, appointments, supplies, visitors, and communication with relatives. If there is one primary caregiver, substitute support people or paid help where available; this worksheet does not assume two adults live together.

Turn vague promises into a plan
Instead of	Try asking
“Tell me what to do.”	“Which whole task can you own, including noticing and restocking?”
“We will take turns.”	“What marks the handoff, and what information needs to pass between us?”
“Visitors will help.”	“Which specific jobs are we comfortable asking visitors to do?”
“We will work it out.”	“When will we check whether this arrangement is working?”

Discuss what each person cannot see

One person may notice an empty supplies drawer; another may be tracking appointments or leave paperwork. Put both kinds of work on paper. Avoid treating the person who remembers a task as its permanent manager. Ask what information or access a new task owner needs to handle it independently.

For example, owning adult dinners might mean choosing a simple plan, checking ingredients, arranging groceries, and cleaning up—not merely cooking after someone else coordinates everything. This is an illustrative division of work, not the right arrangement for every family.

Choose a reset conversation

Agree on a brief check-in and three questions: What is working? What is repeatedly missed? What should change this week? Describe observable problems rather than assigning motives. “The laundry ran out twice” gives you something to redesign; “you never care” does not identify a workable next step.

List recurring household and coordination tasks.
Name an owner and backup for the jobs that matter most.
Give each owner the information and access they need.
Agree how to signal that the current plan is not manageable.
Decide what help visitors can actually provide.
Choose a short follow-up conversation after the baby arrives.

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Know the worksheet's limits

This is a planning aid, not relationship therapy or a requirement to negotiate through fear or coercion. It should reduce uncertainty, not become a scorecard used against someone. If a conversation cannot happen safely, seek appropriate personal support rather than using this exercise to force agreement.